Monday, July 24, 2006

Start a Gusher Under Santa's Reindeer

Now is the time to start drilling for oil in the Artic National Wildlife Refuge. With all of this turmoil in the Middle East, all signs point to Armageddon. We Born-again Christians will soon be sucked up into Heaven with the rapture, so we might as well use the oil for our driving needs and enjoyment. Yes, I believe I deserve every feature on my expensive, gas guzzling, SUV.

Back to the topic, if we don't use the oil it will go to waste, since the good Lord is going to destroy the world, we might as well use the precious fuel that he has given us. To not use it would be like a child throwing a birthday present back in the face of his father, without opening it. We have no right to insult the Lord so.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Don't Mess With God's Chosen People

Well, I hope those terrorists learn their lesson, if you mess with God's chosen people, then you are going to get burned. I may not be Jewish, but I consider myself to be somewhat of a Biblical scholar of the old testament. If those fellows would put down their Korans and pick up a Bible, they would see that you just can't mess with the Jews. Look what happened to Hitler!

One thing about my country, the good old USA, we always bet on the winning horse. If you kidnap an Israeli, the USA will provide all the bombs and planes necessary to respond to their ransome note.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Rush Limbaugh Drug Possession being Blown Out of Proportion

I have to bring up a point about my colleague in media, Rush Limbaugh. The liberal media is getting all pumped up about him carrying illegal prescription of viagra into the country and getting busted by customs. Well, those liberal cry babies are being excessively hard on him. You see, Rush is not married. He holds traditional values dear and therefore would not have sexual relations outside of marriage. Any idiot who listens to him would know that. Obviously he is showing honor by protecting the person who really needed the erection drugs. Obviously, Rush was transporting them for some married friend who has a plain or non-stimulating wife, and who was probably trying to conceive a baby.

For the record, he was not holding the viagra for me. Heck, I am single.