Monday, December 31, 2007

Congrats to The New England Patriots

I'll bet a lot of non-believers will show up at church services now that Tom Brady has lead the New England Patriots to an undefeated regular season. You see, that perfect season is a perfect example of the power of prayer. The Patriots got together and prayed for God's help before each game, and they got it.

If you ask, then God will be happy to give. Remember that little piece of truth as we roll into 2008. Prayer works wonders .

I think I see a super bowl ring for Tom Brady.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Happy Holidays, I Don't Think So!

Long ago the Druids, godless plant worshippers in barbarian Europe, implemented a conspiracy to undermine Christmas. Part of their conspiracy that still persists is the Christmas tree. These athiests (some say Satanists) specifically chose the tree as a symbol because they knew it was bushy enough to cover up the manger scene already in many houses and huts. DON'T BE A PAWN. DON'T BUY CHRISTMAS TREES!

Then in 313 AD, the Romans who were still clinging to Zeus and the other Olympian gods, erected a temple to the sun god, Helios, right next to a Christian Church approved by Emperor Constantine, the first Christian emperor. Helios was dressed up in, you guessed it, a red suit, cap and white beard. If you have any images of Santa Claus in your house, you are breaking the first commandment, "Thou shalt have no other gods before me!"

Next time someone says to you, "Happy holidays," tell them, "I don't think so. MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

Keeping the Christ in Christmas,

Porcupinetaxi

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

California Doesn't Get its Holier than thou Air Waiver

The Federal government said it would deny California’s bid to set stricter vehicle emissions standards than federal law required as part of the state’s efforts to fight climate change. Sorry California.

Who's going to want to live in a state where everyone has to drive a scooter with a smog device? Or a state where honest, small businessmen have to invest 150% of their profits on unsightly smokestack filters?

It seems that the powers that be don't want you to commit suicide by driving all the business out of your state. What good is fresh clean air if you don't have enough money to enjoy it!?

California, get a brain. You have a little smog. Get over it!

Friday, December 14, 2007

Tom Tancredo Shows Class

Tom Tancredo is the only Republican running for president who refused to participate in that sham of a Mexican slam, the Univision Presendential Forum in Spanish. Cudos to him. This is America! We didn't kick the Mexicans' ass in a war so that they could take over our country. If they want to vote, tell them what Tom said: "Learno Englisho!"

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

All the Fruits and Nuts Roll To Florida

It used to be that the United States was described as a melting pot. Then the popular metaphor was a salad bowl. In the days before Arnold, our governator, took the helm, people said that California was the place where all the fruits and nuts collected in the salad bowl. Well now we know where they have gone, right where we suspected: Florida.

The Florida government has decided to maintain the blubbering manatee on the endangered species list, when actually manatees are now doing better than ever. They have bounced back so well that they are becoming a real problem with there antics of swimming into boat propellers and lumbering around construction zones, interrupting development. It is not like these are a bunch of cute little baby seals. These animals are huge. What's more, they actually damage the environment with the way they swim. As they browse around our coasts and rivers, their huge flippers on the rears of their tails churn up lead, arsenic, and other toxic pollutants which would remain harmless on the sea floor for eternity if it weren't for these lumbering dinosaurs of the seal family.

Dinosaurs, that is what they are. Shouldn't they be extinct already?