How Are Things in California?...Smokin'!

I tell you, living in such a bleeding heart liberal state really sticks in my craw sometimes. Get this: Smoke is everywhere, there is so much ash in the air that everyone looks like either Jed Clampett or Grandma Moses. I can barely see, through the smoke in the mini-mart, whether I am reaching for a Coke or a Pepsi!

Well, just as I am about to grab my Coke, this guy with a turban asks me to "Please extinguish" my cigarette. First of all, Americans don't use words like extinguish. Second of all, that turban on his head made him look like Osama Bin Laden's camel groomer.

I told him that it didn't make any sense for me to put out my cigarette, since everyone was breathing so much smoke anyway. Imagine that guy, traveling halfway around the world to bother me and infringe on my rights!

Although nobody else in the store said anything, I noticed that they sympathized with me. I lit another cigarette with the first one and paid for my soda pop.

Finally Someone is Talking Sense on The Networks

My cable went out and I couldn't get Fox News, so I tuned into regular network TV with this little gem of a TV I got for free when one of my fares forgot it in my taxi. I was pleasantly surprised to hear some sense coming out of ABC! You are probably one step ahead of me; you are right. I am talking about John Stossel.

Stossel is one of the few journalists on ABC who has the gutts to tell it like it is. He had several experts on the show, "20-20" who pointed out the secret that the liberals don't want you to know: Global warming may be a good thing. If it gets warmer in the north of the US, we will be able to grow crops there which never grew in that region, thus helping millions of hungry people by selling them food. Also, all that doom and gloom about low lying areas being flooded is just that--doom and gloom designed to scare our kids. No area anywhere in the USA is in danger of being flooded under ten feet of water overnight. It just isn't going to happen that fast.

So relax people. No need to worry about global warming. Let me end this with a quotation: "Give me a break!" John Stossel is on the job!

Gore Gets Peace Prize, BFD!

Apparently Al Gore got the Nobel Peace Prize for his movie about the poor little polar bears who can't find any ice flows to ride on. Boo Hoo, I say. Doesn't Gore know that if he, or one of his kids were on one of those ice flows with one of those polar bears, the bear would shread him or his kids to ribbons?

Tell me, what kind of father is that?

Nobel Peace Prize? I still say we should just give him a popsicle!

New York City Invites Turmoil

I just heard that New York City wants to pass a law to give illegal aliens drivers licenses. Excuse me, but are they stuck on stupid!?

Giving these people a license to drive is like handing out condums at the local high school. These people may not speak mucho English, but they will get the message: The Fast and The Furious, Part III!

It will be Tijuana Taxi time 24/7! I wonder how many New Yorkers will die because of some guy named Pepito driving around who can't see because he splashed hot sauce in his eye!

Let them Sell Lemonade if They Want Health Insurance!

Thank God for the president's veto pen. He just saved the USA from a huge debacle which would have totally socialized medicine for children in a Soviet-style "Hillarycare" scheme guarenteed to suck the coffers of the taxpayers' money dry. Kids need their parents to take responsibility for them and purchase reasonable health insurance from U.S. companies. Now, that is the way to keep the economy strong!

Besides, now that we are winning in Iraq, shifting funds from the war on terror would be just what Osama Bin Laden would want.