Foley Was Drunk So he Is Not To Blame

The Christian thing to to would be to forgive The honorable Representative Mark Foley for his transgressions so that we can keep our grip on the house. After all, he has reported that he was abused by an unnamed pedophile priest when he was a teen. On top of that, he was drunk and using an electronic device. He is over 50 and from Palm Beach County.

Don't you remember how all those old Palm Beachers were confused by the voting ballots in the past election? Foley probably didn't even know what buttons on his Blackberry he was pushing. Now he has enrolled himself in an alcoholicism treatment facility, so the problem is solved. Now that he is cured, he will never again invite a young teenager to have "a drink" at his place. We must forgive him because Jesus would have forgiven him.

Teenagers and kids, on the other hand, are electronically savvy. We can not forgive the kids for what they have done. It is really sickening.

Do you Get the Point, Osama?

The good old USA will stop at nothing to defeat the terrorists who attacked us on September 11, 2001. Osama bin Laden has tasted our resolve in the form of a knuckle sandwich delivered by our beloved commander and chief, President Bush. The president has shown that we are just as willing to make sacrifices, as now more soldiers have died in the war on terror in Iraq than people died in the attacks on 9/11.

Get it Osama? You kill "X" number of people, we will sacrifice"X" plus one, until we get you.

On a lighter note, I would like to announce that I have a girlfriend. She is the most beautiful girl in the world, and what a cook!

The Geneva Convention Didn't Know What They Were Talking About

The President is right! The people who made the Geneva Convention were a bunch of uneducated foreigners. I mean, for some people, listening to the wrong kind of music is torture. Are we going to try our CIA interrogators for treason just because they were listening to a cassette by Benny Cantini during a simple Q and A with a suspect. Give me a break. Congress needs to pass a law that defines torture of people as something practiced by other countries, not the USA. Problem solved and everyone is happy.

Elections are upcoming and We are going to Kick Some Tail

The Democratic crybabies are going to say that we cheated again, but let me tell you, there is no way to check the trail of voting machines. It is all computerized and, well, by George, we will do it again. Democrats, you are stuck on stupid. If you want to win another election there is only one way: SWITCH To REPUBLICAN. Ha ha ha.

Let's Not Give In To Terrorists

The terrorists have undoubtedly invested heavily into Gatorade and then dumped the stocks right before starting the commotion about bringing explosive Gatorade into those (flimsy) British planes. I say that we should buy double the amount of Gatorade now. That way, they will regret their stock market manipulating scheme. Buy Gatorade, and pass this on to anyone you know by cutting and pasting. Don't let the terrorists win!

Start a Gusher Under Santa's Reindeer

Now is the time to start drilling for oil in the Artic National Wildlife Refuge. With all of this turmoil in the Middle East, all signs point to Armageddon. We Born-again Christians will soon be sucked up into Heaven with the rapture, so we might as well use the oil for our driving needs and enjoyment. Yes, I believe I deserve every feature on my expensive, gas guzzling, SUV.

Back to the topic, if we don't use the oil it will go to waste, since the good Lord is going to destroy the world, we might as well use the precious fuel that he has given us. To not use it would be like a child throwing a birthday present back in the face of his father, without opening it. We have no right to insult the Lord so.

Don't Mess With God's Chosen People

Well, I hope those terrorists learn their lesson, if you mess with God's chosen people, then you are going to get burned. I may not be Jewish, but I consider myself to be somewhat of a Biblical scholar of the old testament. If those fellows would put down their Korans and pick up a Bible, they would see that you just can't mess with the Jews. Look what happened to Hitler!

One thing about my country, the good old USA, we always bet on the winning horse. If you kidnap an Israeli, the USA will provide all the bombs and planes necessary to respond to their ransome note.

Rush Limbaugh Drug Possession being Blown Out of Proportion

I have to bring up a point about my colleague in media, Rush Limbaugh. The liberal media is getting all pumped up about him carrying illegal prescription of viagra into the country and getting busted by customs. Well, those liberal cry babies are being excessively hard on him. You see, Rush is not married. He holds traditional values dear and therefore would not have sexual relations outside of marriage. Any idiot who listens to him would know that. Obviously he is showing honor by protecting the person who really needed the erection drugs. Obviously, Rush was transporting them for some married friend who has a plain or non-stimulating wife, and who was probably trying to conceive a baby.

For the record, he was not holding the viagra for me. Heck, I am single.

A Response to Comments About My Blog On Beetle Baily

I have received many comments about what I said about Beetle Baily in an earlier blog. Well, I stand by my comments because that is what I honestly believe. I don't write in this blog based on popularity polls. I have to write what I feel is right. If Beetle Baily goes to Iraq, American kids will follow, and Iraq will be free.

Another Great Day In California

I am going condor hunting! I mean, these endangered species are endangered for a reason. They are just too dumb to survive. I say mow down the koala trees!

Ann Coulter is on my Nightstand

One of my readers commented recently that I should write Ann Coulter and ask her for a job as a joke writer. Well, readers, do you think she would give me a job? Every morning and night, her photo is the one I say "good morning" or "good night" to. My fantasy is meeting her on the beach and then she asks me to rub some oil on her.

They Seem To Like "Hanging Around" in Guantanamo

Those terrorists who hung themselves with bedsheets in Guantanamo will finally get their trial. I bet they are going to s*** their pants when they see Jesus there sitting on his throne next to God. Just imagine:

"Abdul, Why does the judge have holes in his hands and feet?"
"I don't know, Omar, but I think we bet on the wrong horse!"
"Horse? What ever are you talking about?"
"Is it too late to convert?"

Why Isn't Beetle Baily in Iraq?

If you ask me, Beetle Baily is just as bad as the draft-dodging Bill Clinton. If he really loved this country, he would be in Iraq! Sarge should be in Iraq, too! And his little dog with a uniform, he should be sniffing out mines. All of these characters in the funny papers are telling kids that it is ok to not be in Iraq. What this country needs is more kids thinking it is a good idea to go to Iraq. Heck, we need to replace the ones that can't fight any more.

The Iraquis are crybabies

What the Devil do they expect? I mean, now the Iraquis are complaining because soldiers are torturing and killing them? Come on. Let's get real. It is a war. If you were shooting people all day, you would have trouble too, stopping the killing, and if a little kid kept bothering you, asking for a stuffed animal when you had given all of your supply away, well you might just decide to blow him away. It is human nature.

Rush Limbaugh Admits No Crime

Rush Limbaugh has proven that he is innocent of using multiple doctors so that he could get a huge stash of powerful painkillers. Unfortunately, he had to make a deal with the court to prove his innocence, but a dropped charge is a dropped charge.

Maybe he did some creative doctor shopping, but the poor guy has been under stress, what with his listenership turning away from him and some of them getting hooked on drugs themselves, and let's not mention the president's approval rating, which is being misrepresented.

It is enough to make anyone take drugs and how about that Ted Kennedy!?

So after a year Rush will not have a criminal record. No record, no crime! It is as simple as that.

Bush Is Listening to your calls, Good Idea!

The president is listening in on your calls and you are going to get it if you say something that is unpatriotic or against the USA. And if Osama calls you, well George might say, "Make my day!"

I have nothing to hide, so if my call is being monitored, I hope the unknown listener learns something from my enlightened opinions.

I just hope none of our secret agents dies of boredom, from listening to the babbling and incoherent drivel from some of our liberals who don't like me or Ann Coulter.

Rats are abandoning a Ship that is in Ship Shape!

Some people say that the Bush people who are leaving the administration in droves are leaving like "rats from a sinking ship." Well, I am here to tell you that they are leaving because they have done such a good job that there is no more room for improvement.

Approval Rating is being mis-reported

Our president's approval rating is actually higher than the press is reporting. Instead of hiring polling companies to survey the people for approval percentages, they should go down to the local gun shop and then ask the customers as they walk out the door, then we would get a higher aproval rating...one with power!

We Can and Will Bomb Iraq into Submission

Maybe Bush knows that the best way to be heard is to make a loud sound. We will sound the chimes of democracy with fireworks! It will be the 4th of July every day. And they will honor Bush with the Nobel Peace prize. The Iraqi people will probably be so appreciative that they will put the visage of "W" on their money.

Popularity Rating Misinterpreted

President Bush's all time level of popularity should not be measured in the polls in the United States. The American People give a skewed idea or what they like because of the Liberal Media. If the poll were taken in Iraq, well, then old George would be very popular because the media there is not irresponsibly unregulated and the people know that Bush is doing what is best for them, building democracy.