Are We Ready For A Mormon In the White House?

According to the Mormons, who are also known as the "ladder day saints" on account of they will need one heck of a ladder to reach Heaven, the angel Macaroni visited a man named Joseph Smith and gave him golden tablets with the Book of Mormon printed on them.

He promptly lost them.

I don't think we need anyone from such a scatterbrained religion in the White House at this time. Imagine this scenario:

President Romney: Drop the big one on Iraq!
Advisor: But Mr. President we have troops there.
President Romney: Oops! My bad. I meant Iran.

Sorry. I will vote for Romney when they find those golden tablets. We still have plenty of good Republican candidates. We'll get the white house.

Is America Ready for A Black or a Woman President?

The question in the title is actually a misnomer. Really the answer is this: It depends on who. Sure it is possible to have an African American or a Woman president. I will be the first to admit, some women, like my mother, are even smarter than men! Some African Americans excel in areas other than music and sports.

Hillary Clintion? I don't think so. She wasn't very smart when she chose her husband, was she?

Barack Obama? (rhymes with Osama), I don't think so. He couldn't even make a free throw. If he was so smart, then why did he move from Hawaii to Illinois?!

Ann Coulter would be a perfect president, she would be a breath of fresh air, and she is pretty as well! Unfortunately, she has too much job security. Yes, I guess it is possible to do your job too well.

My nomination would be for Condi Rice. She is going to be sending out resumes soon, and she has proven that she is top-notch. Her record speaks for itself. Plus, did anyone notice? She is black and a woman.

Yes, we are ready for an African American and a women in the oval office!

Congrats to The New England Patriots

I'll bet a lot of non-believers will show up at church services now that Tom Brady has lead the New England Patriots to an undefeated regular season. You see, that perfect season is a perfect example of the power of prayer. The Patriots got together and prayed for God's help before each game, and they got it.

If you ask, then God will be happy to give. Remember that little piece of truth as we roll into 2008. Prayer works wonders .

I think I see a super bowl ring for Tom Brady.

Happy Holidays, I Don't Think So!

Long ago the Druids, godless plant worshippers in barbarian Europe, implemented a conspiracy to undermine Christmas. Part of their conspiracy that still persists is the Christmas tree. These athiests (some say Satanists) specifically chose the tree as a symbol because they knew it was bushy enough to cover up the manger scene already in many houses and huts. DON'T BE A PAWN. DON'T BUY CHRISTMAS TREES!

Then in 313 AD, the Romans who were still clinging to Zeus and the other Olympian gods, erected a temple to the sun god, Helios, right next to a Christian Church approved by Emperor Constantine, the first Christian emperor. Helios was dressed up in, you guessed it, a red suit, cap and white beard. If you have any images of Santa Claus in your house, you are breaking the first commandment, "Thou shalt have no other gods before me!"

Next time someone says to you, "Happy holidays," tell them, "I don't think so. MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

Keeping the Christ in Christmas,

Porcupinetaxi

California Doesn't Get its Holier than thou Air Waiver

The Federal government said it would deny California’s bid to set stricter vehicle emissions standards than federal law required as part of the state’s efforts to fight climate change. Sorry California.

Who's going to want to live in a state where everyone has to drive a scooter with a smog device? Or a state where honest, small businessmen have to invest 150% of their profits on unsightly smokestack filters?

It seems that the powers that be don't want you to commit suicide by driving all the business out of your state. What good is fresh clean air if you don't have enough money to enjoy it!?

California, get a brain. You have a little smog. Get over it!

Tom Tancredo Shows Class

Tom Tancredo is the only Republican running for president who refused to participate in that sham of a Mexican slam, the Univision Presendential Forum in Spanish. Cudos to him. This is America! We didn't kick the Mexicans' ass in a war so that they could take over our country. If they want to vote, tell them what Tom said: "Learno Englisho!"

All the Fruits and Nuts Roll To Florida

It used to be that the United States was described as a melting pot. Then the popular metaphor was a salad bowl. In the days before Arnold, our governator, took the helm, people said that California was the place where all the fruits and nuts collected in the salad bowl. Well now we know where they have gone, right where we suspected: Florida.

The Florida government has decided to maintain the blubbering manatee on the endangered species list, when actually manatees are now doing better than ever. They have bounced back so well that they are becoming a real problem with there antics of swimming into boat propellers and lumbering around construction zones, interrupting development. It is not like these are a bunch of cute little baby seals. These animals are huge. What's more, they actually damage the environment with the way they swim. As they browse around our coasts and rivers, their huge flippers on the rears of their tails churn up lead, arsenic, and other toxic pollutants which would remain harmless on the sea floor for eternity if it weren't for these lumbering dinosaurs of the seal family.

Dinosaurs, that is what they are. Shouldn't they be extinct already?

I Nominate Condi Rice For Peace Prize

Mark my words, I want to be the first one to say it on the blogosphere. Condi Rice is going to bring peace to the middle east and win the Nobel Peace Prize.

She has taken on a huge job, getting those Jews and Arabs to the peace table. But if anyone can do it she can. We have seen how well she has crafted our strategy in Iraq. It seems that Iraq is so nice now that some of the US soldiers don't want to come home!

Another advantage is that as an African American woman, Condi can "give the look" to those Jews and Arabs. You know, open her eyes really wide while she is staring at them. They will think she is doing some kind of voodoo on them. They will be too scared to keep fighting.

I bet she will even be able to talk them into coming to services at her church, and shouting a few hallelujahs!

Porcupinetaxi Salutes The Troops

I send this one out to the troops so that they will know how much we appreciate all of their sacrifices to keep us free. I know how horrible it is out there in Iraq, crawling in the dust, eating second rate food, and always worried that the ground is going to blow up. I am so grateful that, on a beautiful day like today, I can go out to the beach in my SUV, look at all the pretty girls in bikinis, and say anything I want to the waiter in a restaurant.

If we were in another country the woman would be dressed in pup tents and we would be riding camels and I couldn't complain about the service or I would get my throat cut.

So thank you troops. You are number one. This Veterans' Day I salute you with a frosty mug of beer in this beachside restaurant with my laptop.

The Senate is Disrespectful to Overide the President's Veto

We look like fools in the eyes of the world when the government of the US contradicts itself. I am talking about the congress overriding President Bush's Veto of a bill that was just too darn expensive. I honestly wonder if Osama Bin Laden is paying off some of those Democrats so that they will screw up the government.

The veto they overrode was a law for some water conservation massive boondoggle project that, among other things, would clean up and protect the Everglades in Florida. It doesn't make any sense. Why would they clean up the Everglades if all of South Florida is going to be under water anyway? Right!!? Holier than thou Nobel prize winner Al Gore keeps saying that global warming will put Florida under ten feet of water. The Democrat Party obviously doesn't believe its own propaganda because you can't have it both ways. They wouldn't clean it up if they honestly believed it was going under water.

I say respect the president's veto. As for Florida we can all say, "It's all water under the bridge!" LOL.

They are Packin' Heat in Pakistan!

We really need to support the government of that dictator in Pakistan. He understands that it just doesn't work with those guys to have democracy. I mean, how can you let a bunch of bearded guys in linen robes choose the leader of a country. I am not saying that they are stupid, just ignorant for not picking up our customs from watching our movies. Most of them carry a Koran in their pocket. The only reason I would carry one of those is for if I run out of toilet paper. I am sorry, but it it true. The Bible is older, from the real God, and that settles it.

It is better to have a strongman, just as long as he is our friend.

Do you know the main reason? They got the bomb! If they vote democratically, they might pick that fumble fingers woman or worse, Osama Bin Laden as president!

What will happen then?

Boom!

Give Our Blackwater Boys Some Slack

Our Blackwater Corporation Mercenery boys are doing a heck of a job and we really need to cut them some slack. They are in Iraq specifically to do the jobs that the US military doesn't want to do. They get paid more because they are worth it. Nobody can say that they are not well trained because they were all trained by the US military.

By hiring private Blackwater soldiers, we shrink the ranks of the federal bureaucracy.

How Are Things in California?...Smokin'!

I tell you, living in such a bleeding heart liberal state really sticks in my craw sometimes. Get this: Smoke is everywhere, there is so much ash in the air that everyone looks like either Jed Clampett or Grandma Moses. I can barely see, through the smoke in the mini-mart, whether I am reaching for a Coke or a Pepsi!

Well, just as I am about to grab my Coke, this guy with a turban asks me to "Please extinguish" my cigarette. First of all, Americans don't use words like extinguish. Second of all, that turban on his head made him look like Osama Bin Laden's camel groomer.

I told him that it didn't make any sense for me to put out my cigarette, since everyone was breathing so much smoke anyway. Imagine that guy, traveling halfway around the world to bother me and infringe on my rights!

Although nobody else in the store said anything, I noticed that they sympathized with me. I lit another cigarette with the first one and paid for my soda pop.

Finally Someone is Talking Sense on The Networks

My cable went out and I couldn't get Fox News, so I tuned into regular network TV with this little gem of a TV I got for free when one of my fares forgot it in my taxi. I was pleasantly surprised to hear some sense coming out of ABC! You are probably one step ahead of me; you are right. I am talking about John Stossel.

Stossel is one of the few journalists on ABC who has the gutts to tell it like it is. He had several experts on the show, "20-20" who pointed out the secret that the liberals don't want you to know: Global warming may be a good thing. If it gets warmer in the north of the US, we will be able to grow crops there which never grew in that region, thus helping millions of hungry people by selling them food. Also, all that doom and gloom about low lying areas being flooded is just that--doom and gloom designed to scare our kids. No area anywhere in the USA is in danger of being flooded under ten feet of water overnight. It just isn't going to happen that fast.

So relax people. No need to worry about global warming. Let me end this with a quotation: "Give me a break!" John Stossel is on the job!

Gore Gets Peace Prize, BFD!

Apparently Al Gore got the Nobel Peace Prize for his movie about the poor little polar bears who can't find any ice flows to ride on. Boo Hoo, I say. Doesn't Gore know that if he, or one of his kids were on one of those ice flows with one of those polar bears, the bear would shread him or his kids to ribbons?

Tell me, what kind of father is that?

Nobel Peace Prize? I still say we should just give him a popsicle!

New York City Invites Turmoil

I just heard that New York City wants to pass a law to give illegal aliens drivers licenses. Excuse me, but are they stuck on stupid!?

Giving these people a license to drive is like handing out condums at the local high school. These people may not speak mucho English, but they will get the message: The Fast and The Furious, Part III!

It will be Tijuana Taxi time 24/7! I wonder how many New Yorkers will die because of some guy named Pepito driving around who can't see because he splashed hot sauce in his eye!

Let them Sell Lemonade if They Want Health Insurance!

Thank God for the president's veto pen. He just saved the USA from a huge debacle which would have totally socialized medicine for children in a Soviet-style "Hillarycare" scheme guarenteed to suck the coffers of the taxpayers' money dry. Kids need their parents to take responsibility for them and purchase reasonable health insurance from U.S. companies. Now, that is the way to keep the economy strong!

Besides, now that we are winning in Iraq, shifting funds from the war on terror would be just what Osama Bin Laden would want.

It Is Time To Purge the Iraqi Government

The Iraqi government is crying because some US mercenaries from Blackwater Security Company of North Carolina, USA shot some Iraqi citizens in an "unprovoked attack." Well, let me tell everyone here, I met some employees from Blackwater and gave them a ride in my taxi from John Wayne Airport to a place I am not allowed to disclose, and they are great guys and super tippers!

We need more of these Blackwater guys out there kicking ass in Iraq. Isn't it interesting, now that the US is winning, with the help of private security companies, the Iraqi army wants to kick the private companies out of the country? How convenient for the terrorists.

If you ask me it is time for the US to purge the Iraqi government. It seems to have been infiltrated by some of Osama's boys.

Shock and awe, anyone? LOL.

The Dream is Accomplished

They say that it is so peaceful in the Anbar Province of Iraq that American couples are booking their honeymoons there. The surge is really helping to pacify those crazy towelheads. The surge has been so successful that President Bush has announced that he will be reducing the number of troops. They've done their job! Some of the troops who were added for the surge will be coming home soon, early next year. Heck, I bet a lot of them get married and then hop on a plane to honeymoon in Anbar Province!

Democrats Have a Taco Fest!

I was flipping channels with my new flat screen TV I bought for over4 thousand dollars at Best Buy. Sometimes I check out the Mexican channel, just to see if I can spot my old gardener acting in one of those soap operas.

Well, tonight wouldn't you guess, I saw old Hillary and Obama and the gang doing a debate in Spanish. It was funnier than watching one of those old Japanese Kung-fu movies dubbed into English. It was translated into Spanish while those old democratic bumblers were speaking English. Hellooo? Can anyone please tell them that the people who vote speak English?! I mean, are they running for the president of the USA or Mexico?

As far as I can tell the Republicans have four, no eight more years in the bag.

Hey Hillary, don't drop the chalupa!